Neuer Name, neuer Blog

Neuer Name, neuer Blog

Hey alle zusammen, mein Name ist Kimberly Krumholz und ich habe vor einigen Jahren diesen Blog begonnen. Nachdem ich meinen Sohn bekommen habe, hatte ich leider nicht mehr so viel Zeit mich um neue Inhalte zu kümmern, damit ist jetzt Schluss.

In den letzten Jahren ist einiges passiert und ich habe viele spannenden Geschichten, Erlebnisse und Erkenntnisse gesammelt, die ich sehr gerne mit euch teilen möchte.
Ihr fragt euch vielleicht, warum der Blog einen neuen Namen hat und warum ich auf einmal auf deutsch schreibe. Die Erklärung ist sehr einfach. Mit dem neuen Name"AUS VOLLEM HERZEN" möchte ich gerne die Wichtigkeit und die Message dieses Blogs unterstreichen. Wie genau der Name zustande kam findet Ihr in einem eigenen Post, der sich nur mit dem Thema beschäftigt. Die Sprache liegt einfach daran, dass der Blog in Amerika entstanden ist, mir die deutsche Sprache aber etwas besser liegt und mehr aus meinem Herzen kommt. Es kann aber sein, dass auch in Zukunft einige Posts auf Englisch auftauchen werden oder gemischte Posts zustande kommen

Was ist der Sinn meines neuen Blogs? Ich möchte euch inspirieren. Meine Erfahrungen mit euch teilen und euch zum denken bzw. zum fühlen anregen, denn genau das ist es womit ich mich die letzten Jahre beschäftigt habe. Aus dem Kopf rein ins Herz. In den letzten Jahren habe ich mich viel mit mir selbst beschäftigt und habe gemerkt, wie wichtig es ist ein gutes Körpergefühl zu haben. Diverse Körpertherapiestunden, Frauengruppen, Grenzerfahrungen, Selbstbeobachtung und Gespräche haben mich um dem Menschen gemacht der ich jetzt bin und auf den ich sehr stolz bin. Ich möchte gerne, dass du auch die Möglichkeit habst eine solche Persönlichkeitsentwicklung zu erleben und lade dich ein zusammen mit mir auf den Weg zu gehen. Lass dich inspirieren und finde den Weg zurück zu dir. Zurück in dein Herz. Dem Ort an dem das Leben stattfindet.
Vielleicht machst du gerade eine schwere Zeit durch und brauchst etwas Inspiration, Motivation und Mut um weiter zu machen. Ich weiß genau wie hilfreich es sein kann, wenn man merkt, man ist nicht alleine mit seinen Problemen. Aus diesem Grund möchte ich meine Entwicklung und meine Erlebnisse mit dir teilen und dich dabei unterstützen dich selbst wieder zu finden und lieben zu lernen.

Ich habe bewusst die alten Post noch stehen gelassen, weil sie den Anfang meiner Persönlichkeitsentwicklung sehr gut beschreiben und viele wichtige und aufschlussreiche Inhalte bereitstellen.

Hoffentlich habt Ihr Lust mich auf meiner Reise zu begleiten um Pin It Now!

I Choose Joy!!

A little over one year ago I came back from SoCal. Still can't believe how fast time flies by. A lot has happened last year. I passed my bachelor exam, I went on an awesome Surftrip to France and Spain, I moved from Munich to Mainz and back to Mayen, I met a lot new friends and many more things I will talk about another time.
Right now my life has a lot of ups and downs and it kinda feels like I am loosing my way a little, loosing the joy of life, especially during my bad days. It is so hard to snap out of it! Much harder than on any bad day in Cali.
I was so happy and strong after I returned from Cali but it feels like all this strenght, confidence and joy is blown away. I just read some posts I wrote during my time abroad. I could see, read and feel the strength I had while writing the posts. It was stunning to realize that all of this is in me, how happy, and joyful I was. I know all of it, I just cannot feel it right now. But it is somewhere inside of me and I will get back to it as soon as I am ready.
A couple of weeks ago I wrote "why was it so easy for me to trust in everything while I was in Cali and why isn't it working since I am back here in germany?" on a piece of paper. It feels like the longer I am here the more I fall back into my old routines, being fearful, not trusting, planing, expecting things from other people and myself, over-thinking and being moody. Life is planed again. I have to know what I will do when and where. But why does it matter to me again, it did not when I was in America, I simply did not give a shit about all this crap (sorry for my english), I could find joy in the smalest things. I just enjoyed the day. Just do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it. Like I already said in one of my recent post "PLANS ARE MADE TO FAIL" anyway, so just GO WITH THE FLOW AGAIN.
But unfortunately it is easier said than done right now. Like I already said, I know it all. I have all the pieces of the puzzle inside of me but right now there is just massive chaos especially when I am having a bad day. I can't feel it, I can't see it. If I try to snap out of my bad day habits it just feels soooo weird. Like I am telling myself without believing it, like I am telling lies. Sure it is totally normal to have a bad day. But recently I am having many bad days, too many... I think the problem is that even I am annoyed of my shitty mood all the time.  I know it is all in my head. My head thinks there is nothing cool, special or nice to do here to snap out of having a bad mood or feeling alone and sad. Everytime I had a bad day in SoCal I just went outside with my longboard, spent some time at the beach, took beautiful pictures, walked around, went for a run, enjoyed doing nothing or whatever came into my head. I just made the best out of every situation and fully enjoying it wheather I was alone or not. Even doing nothing was exciting and full of joy in Cali. When I don't have anything to do here I get pissed, I get nervous, I have the feeling I HAVE to do something...anything... But everytime I can think of something my head just says "no matter what you will do it will suck... I will be cold, cloudy, boring..." and then I end up not doing anything and instead thinking about my shitty life(thats what my head says). I just want to simply enjoy my life again, not matter what comes next. Enjoy the little things. Enjoy just relaxing, enjoy doing nothing, enjoy hanging out with friends, on good and bad days... FIND BACK MY JOY!

BUUUUT...Yeah now comes the big BUT (Thanks to my friend Patrick I now have to laugh everytime I hear the word but(t) hahah) and the twist in this story... I am a little proud of myself ...cause the past couple of weeks / months it got a lot better already, almost like before. I am doing things that feel good, like taking long walks, sewing my first stuffed animal or playing the guitar. My head then tries to tell me that I just do all this stuff to make the day pass faster. Well... I just ignore those thoughts as good as I can, because I enjoy doing those things and I don't want my thoughts to ruin it again.
I will find that strength, confidence and joy back, I know that. Patience. This is just a challange to see if I will give up or keep on walking no matter how hard times will be.

What I want to say with this post is: I miss being joyful about the small things in life. About Babys, friends, flowers, animals, candy, food just anything. No Matter how hard times might be!!! Those are the things that make the world a little better everytime you appreciate them. Our 20's are like riding a roller coaster! Just lean back and enjoy the ride with all it's ups and downs! Pin It Now!

Change your Thoughts and you can change your world

But How?

Yesterday I was sitting in a normal meditation class when one thought popped into my mind. During meditation the teacher always repeated "just watch your thoughts" and "if a thought comes up just let it got". After saying it a few times it hit me like a stroke.  I NEVER ONLY HAVE ONE THOUGHT that pops up. It is more like a constant voice in my head. Kinda like the overvoice in movies. I can only speak about my mind, but I can imagine that I am not the only one feeling this way. So this being told, how do you watch something that is constantly happening? Letting go of one thought, like I'm hungry, my toe iches or wondering about the sound you are hearing is much easier than being used to having a constant voice in your head without even realizing. I think thats exactly the hard part in this. Not realizing that I am thinking. For me it kinda became normal to hear this voice talking inside of my head...and after several years not noticing it is really hard to snap out of it and concentrate on the here and now. But my mom always says that I have all the pieces of the puzzle I just need to put them together in the right order. First I now know just realizing that the voice is there is the first step to make it shut up. The second thing I know, maybe only because my mom and my sister keep telling over and over again, is to accept the voice.
Notice there is a voice (it doesn't matter what the voice is telling me just noticing) and then accept it, without judging or analysing. There is nothing bad about thinking that's just the way it is. I cannot break the circle by thinking about how to break it, that would even make it worse. I would get stuck deeper and deeper in this "thinking-circle".
So for me "change your thoughts and you will change your world" does not mean I have to think more positive, or I have to think less or I have to think this and that... No instead it means be concious about what you think. Know that the thoughts are there and don't force yourself into thinking something else! Maybe thats what the teacher ment when he said "watch your thoughts" being concious about them all the time! Just simply accept the thoughts you have. I think my biggest fear (this is a word I am very concious about using) is to not BE if I stop thinking! But that's total BULLS**T! I AM!! Even without thoughts. I don't need my thoughts to be a human BEING! Thats why from now on I don't like the saying "You are what you think" anymore. For me it is only YOU ARE!! with or without thoughts!

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way too cold!

Brrrrrr... Dang it, it's so cold in germany.
I am back home from my SoCal trip 2 weeks already and all I am doing is freezing constantly. I actually like snow and I don't mind the cold, but after skiping the winter and having a pretty warm one instead I kinda got used warm weather. But this is nasty. There is nothing to do in this weather all I want to do is just chill in my bed and watch movies. Or take a hot bath, go to a spa or eat a lot of warm soup. I can't remember a single year in my life where I was freezing so bad in march. ja right it's march, spring break is coming up and we are stuck in 40cm of snow. But it also has its good parts because I can have some fun days in the snow with our local sking club. I hope we will have more snow than the last couple of years.
And this cold has another positive side effect. You can take beautiful pictures. Like the ones I show you here. Some Icicles hanging from the bushes in our foryard. So beautiful! Enjoy. 

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If I could I would stay!!

The days did indeed fly by! I cannot believe five months have passed by. I can still remember the weeks before I came to Cali being nervous and scared about not having a good time in Cali. But I did! I really had the best time of my life so far! Beyond words! I laughed, I cried, I danced, I smiled, met people, new friends and learned about myself, friendships and love. Yes about Love... Not like you think. I did not fall in love with a guy or a human being but instead I fell in love with this place. Orange County, California or even the whole country. I know that many people have prejudices about this country. They say people are fake, crazy and not organized. I feel sorry for everyone who feels or thinks that way. You should come here and see yourself because after my five months in Cali I can't confirm that statement. I met some of the most real, honest, thankful, life-loving and organized people here. Incredible people who's spirit is beyond everything I've seen so far. I feel home here, I don't want to leave this place. I feel understood, accepted for who I am and supported no matter how crazy my ideas are. Everything is possible! Being tense, feeling pressure and being stressed does not bring you anywhere it makes things worse. Just enjoy the here and now and don't worry to much about what, when where, why, how... IT WILL WORK OUT! how? when? where? why? ...I DON'T KNOW! JUST BELIEVE IT WILL! --> I know this sounds so cheesy but it is true.. how do I know? I experienced it. I've been through both situations,I know how it feels like to be under pressure because things have to work out in a certain way and forcing them to happen and but I've also learned to trust in things to happen in the way they are supposed to happen. It was a new experience to just let all the fear and pressure go and believe that the right thing will happen, but it always worked out.

Five months... looking back on it I've seen, done and experienced sooo much. I came here with almost nothing. All I had was a rental car (only for a while), my clothes and an unpaid internship. But everything worked out better than I could ever expect it to.

I found a great place to stay (thanks to my dear friend Jason!!) with awesome roommates who've accepted me the way I am and I think also enjoyed my stay (at least I hope they did ;))! We laughed, smiled, danced, cooked Spätzle (or how Shanelle always says -->Schnitzel) and drank one or two glasses of wine together. I had a great time with them! Thank you Shanelle and Mike, for giving me a place where I felt safe, home and welcome. 

I managed to buy a car which drove me a couple of miles all through the country --> From and to work (obviously), San Diego (three times), San Fransisco, Kirkwood, Riverside, Laguna Beach(can't even count how often I drove there), St. Clemente, La Verne, Las Vegas (twice <3), Los Angeles: I had two more stops where my beloved car could unfortunately not take me. One is Salt Lake City Utah (Or better Deer Valley and Park City) and the other one is Phoenix Arizona... I am trying to sell it and I needed to get a rental car to take me to Phoenix(...bummer I bet my lil shitty car would have loved to bring me to AZ). Anyway, I am sooo happy it did not break down. It was red (urgh not my color...), shitty and the sound system was horrible... the one thing I need when I am driving... good, loud music. But nooooo my speakers liked teasing me by just playing a horrible sound and sometimes not playing anything at all. Those speaker even gave me a bruise on my knee, because I had to slam my knee against the it very hard to make it work again. But it was OK the most important thing was that it took me everywhere I wanted to go!

There is one more thing I have to do before I leave this country or how I like to call it --> Paradise! I want to thank all the incredible people who crossed my way during my stay. I hope some of you will not just forget about me but instead maybe remember the great times we had together!

First of all I have to thank my parents for allowing me to come here and helping me financially!! Thanks Mom and Dad I could not have done it without you. And I am so happy that you came and visited me! I had a great time showing you around! 

Also a big thanks to DC Shoes (or better Quiksilver Europe), especially Mark, Juan, Kati and Peter who made it possible for me to get an internship in the United States even though they normally don't send students from Germany to America. I feel honored and appreciate what you've done for me. I had a great time in the office, met a lot of people and learned a lot about this company. Megan, Jon (a special thanks for all the lunch breaks we spent together), Corinne, Steve, Mel, Niki, Kallie, Eldo, Chris, Ryan, Josh, Alice, Sherrie Ane it would have not been the same without you - Thank you all so much. 

When I left Germany a bunch of people told me they will come for a visit. But most of the time those words don't mean anything, which is fine I didn't expect anyone to fly across the world for me. And still some people did it and I appreciate that sooo much! --> Michi, Robin, Mom, Dad, Linda and Anja, I had such a great time with all of you! Miriam I am so happy we coincidentally met again, that you are back in my life and that you became an awesome friend to me.

Sorry guys I am not done with my "thank yous" yet. Many people crossed my way either at parties, through family friends or just people I met along the way. I really want to tell you that I had a great time with you and you are one reason why I will never forget this trip. --> Keith S., Tom, Brave, Del Col Family, Bedonna, Björn, Fritz, Macy, Heidi, Manuela, Acirema (thanks for all the fun surf sessions), Keith T., Flip (and the rest of Rubber Bean), Lisa, Dillan, Audrey, Normi, Jona, Noah, Brian, Joey, Chris, Bobby, Josh and many more.

I blogged several times about them, I danced a lot, drank a lot and partied even more with them... I guess you already know who I am talking about ... JUP... WEIRD IS THE NEW COOL! Kenny, Nate, Tim, Kyle, Cash and Omni I am so happy I accidentally ran into you in Vegas. I think my trip would have not been as much fun if I would have not met you. Vegas would have not been the same and I hope it is not true that everything that happens in Vegas stays there, cause I would really like to keep those unique friendship for the rest of my life. You make great music and I wish you all the best for the future and I will always support your music! 

Stevie, Jason, Aidan and Peter

Last but not least the hardest part of all the "thank yous" and goodbyes I want to make. I cant even find the right words to thank Stevie, Jason and Aidan for everything they have done for me the last couple of months. It is really hard for me not to cry while typing this, because these are the three people I will miss most! They are not just friends... they became my family, my west coast mommy, my west coast daddy and my lil west coast brother. I was always welcome in their house, could bring my friends, I lend their car and their surfboards, ate their food, spent all kinds of holidays with them, went on skiing trips, drank wine, had a lot of parties and most important I felt loved by them. Like I already said it felt like my family, like being at home! I cannot give back what all three of them gave to me during the last few months and it makes me cry thinking about all the good times we had together, not because I am sad but because I am happy that all this happened to me and because I am thankful for everything. Stevie, Jason and Aidan I will miss you so bad and I hope we will meet again soon! THANK YOU I could have not done all this without you. You are a great family with awesome personalities and a great spirit I appreciate everything you have done for me!!! I LOVE YOU!!! 

Ok This is it. I am done with saying thank you. Now it is time to say goodbye... First I want to say goodbye to.... Hahah just kidding I will not say goodbye to each one of you! :) And actually I will not say goodbye to anyone but instead I will say SEE YOU SOON! Because goddbye is forever but I hope I'll see some of you again soon.I know that some will go their way and maybe not cross my path ever again, but others might reappear and become a bigger chapter in the story of my life! I will never forget about each one of you tho! You made this trip sp special for me.

All in all this really was the time of my life. I grew a lot and I guess I will never stop growing. I really don't think I have found the true me yet which means, there will be a lot more to talk about. For this I will keep on writing this blog. I will keep you posted what goes on in my life. I hope you will still follow me and go through fun and probably also rough times with me and maybe learn from or with me. 

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Next life I'll become a Motocross-Pro ;)

I came to work last week and got an e-mail which invited me to a meeting on Wednesday 2/27/13 from 9.00am to 17.00pm.... oh gosh sitting in a meeting all day long, hell no! Thats not what I want on my second last day... urgh... But wait, it says we meet at the Pala Racetrack. Huh? what the hell is that.... No Way they don't take us on a Motocross riding day, do they?? Jup thats exactly what they planed for the DC Marketing Day. I can't even describe how many different feelings went through my mind and body the moment I realized it - happy, scared, excited, confused... - First I thought we will just watch the pros show off, but no that was not the intention. We will be the ones riding the bikes and I have to admit I was very excited to try it, ja also a little scared of falling and hurting myself but when in my life will I again have the chance to do something like that?

Arriving at the track DC already set everything up, food, snacks, tents, motocross bikes, gear, and a "small" moto-race-track just for us. Everyone started dressing up right away but since I ve never done it before (and because I was really hungover :)) I decided to wait a little bit before picking my gear. It was funny cause everyone looked like a pro after dressing up, even though some of them have never done it before either. So after a while I started looking for gear that will fit and I found the perfect match. Guess what color it was ... JUP green (and blue) for sure...my color :) So my colleagues taught me how to ride it and I took of. I had so much fun riding the bike it is unbelievable. The funny thing is I felt so fast when I was sitting on the bike... But after seeing a video I was kinda embarrassed how slow I was riding around :). I just cruised around a little, not going on any kind of racetrack just doing my rounds on the parking lot to get used to the bike. The shifting was still a little weird for me, so i did not feel that comfortable going on the track. After lunch we all had a lot of fun just chilling around, watching the others ride and just chat for a while. For me a highlight was that a lot of Pro-Skaters and Pro-Motoguys showed up too. I know it sounds kinda weird and like a groupie or whatever you wanna call it but for me it is def. a big deal to see them, because it was not like a fan seeing an idol it was more like hanging around with friends. I actually got to know some of them a little and maybe I can see some of them again in Munich (X-Games) this summer.

The second time I rode a bike I decided to go on the race track and it was def. a lot of fun. Scary for sure but once you get used to the hills and the turns it is a lot of fun, I could not go too fast tho, I think it would be even better going very fast...
I had one more wish before I called it an awesome day. I asked one of my colleagues Ben, who rides professionally (see the pic above), if he could take me on his bike just to go very very fast (sounds weird but I am a speed junky). So he agreed and we took of. Oh my god I've not screamed and laughed so much at the same time in a long time. It was so much fun and we were soooo freaking fast, unbelievable. So we returned to the DC tents but instead of going to the tent he turned and went straight onto the track. WTF NO WAY! We agreed on NO JUMPS before we took off, but here I was, sitting on the back of a huge Motocross-bike on a racetrack right in front of the jumps. Hell no he will not... YES HE WILL... fuck, that was soooo crazy. i screamed so freaking loud when we jumped over the little hill that everyone at the DC tents could hear me. But there was no way of not screaming my butt lifted up too freaking high from the bike that the only thing that kept me on the bike was Ben's feet on mine and the fact that I rapped my arms around him so tight that there was no chance I could fall of. It was the best feeling ever, fucking scary but awesome (Thanks again for that Ben). Like I said in an earlier post already "The scary things are most fun!" I had such a blast on the track, with and without Ben. It was so exciting and I am so happy I had the chance to join this DC Marketing Day.
Thanks to Jeff, Niki, Mel, Megan, Tyler, Ryan, Chris, Josh, Eldo, Ben, Nate, Ben G., Jimmy, Ben K., Sherrie Ann, Alice, Brian, Dan, Matt Miller, Robbie Maddison, Nyjah, BT, Caroline, Jon, Justin and everyone I forgot(sorry :) ).  I had an awesome day and I will miss working with you.

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Plans are made to fail!!

I actually wrote this post a while ago already but after going for my last Stand up paddle session yesterday I thought about this post and that I really want to share it with you. I had a great time again with my friend Aci who was almost blown out into the wide ocean!!! But we made it back safe and laughed a lot again. I expected a fun, no drama, no wind, a lot of dolphins, whales and seals surf session but That's not what happened. That's why I think this post fits great. It s about Plans that never turn out the way you plan them but that's what makes them exciting!!

"What an awesome day!
And not even close to what I had planed.
But like I already said... Plans are made to fail. Since I am in America I experience over and over again, that every time I plan something I end up being upset because the plan did not work out the way I wanted it to be. Or at least that how I usually reacted. Now I m not disappointed anymore I go with the flow and see what else is there to do.
For example this weekend. My PLAN for Saturday was--> Play Volleyball in the morning, go home get ready and eat, drive to a shopping mall in Irvine and after that go to Laguna and spend the Weekend with Stevie and Jason. What happened... hmmm except for ending up at Stevie's and Jason's place NOTHING!! Like I said my plan totally failed! But still I made the best out of it and I experienced things that I would have missed out on otherwise. But lets get back to the beginning. Sooooo I woke up not feeling good so I had to cancel on Volleyball. When I got up i had no clue what else to do but I felt like I need to be active somehow. So I decided to go to a indoor rock climbing center. FAIL again... Due to the fact that I don't have a navigation system I could not find the address of the center. So I called my mechanic if he can check on my car before I sell it, to make sure everything is fine. I dropped my car off and went to the beach for a run! Like I said I needed to do something active. While running around there I saw that the Ocean was very very very calm that day. So I went back up to my mechanic and after he told me that he still needs the car for another 30 minutes I went to the Stand Up Paddle shop and rented a Paddle-board. Best Idea ever. I did not even change into swim gear it was kinda weird standing on the board with my normal clothes. But it was nice an cosy in my pullover. Soooo I paddled around for a while watching some seals swimming around, jumping out of the water and just enjoying the day. It gave me a huge smile on my face. I really like watching them they are so huge but so sweet. So I paddled a little further out until at one point I almost fell from my board cause i was sooooo shocked about what I saw. Two grey wales came out of the water maybe 10 yards away from me. Wow Shock... Adrenalin... but I could not stop smiling for the rest of the day! Just beautiful! Scary huge but beautiful! So if I would have done what I planed I would have probably missed out on that experience. It's crazy but every time I just go step by step, from one situation to another and act spontaneously the best things always happen to me. Doesn't matter what. A spontaneous, fun trip to Vegas, a wet but fun whale watching trip, a spontaneous surf-session seeing dolphins doesn't matter what I always had a blast!!
So Like I said in the beginning PLANS ARE MADE TO FAIL.. and if they do ... so what life still goes on and sometimes even better than you ever thought it could be!! YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE Make the best out of it!! Instead of being angry or pissed just enjoy whatever else comes up. Your wishing heart knows where to go just trust that you will do the right things!!" Pin It Now!